When I started looking for a life partner at 32, I'll admit I was overconfident. "I have a decent income, I'm not bad looking. I'll find someone to marry within six months," I thought. But reality hit harder than expected. It took 370 days, meetings with over 100 women, and countless failures before I finally met my current partner.
In this article, I'll share the reality of dating as a man in his 30s, combining hard data with my unfiltered personal experiences. I hope this helps those about to start their journey or those currently struggling.
Truth #1: Your Market Value as a 30-Something Man Is Lower Than You Think
The first shock came when I realized **my actual position in the dating market as a man in my 30s**. After one week on dating apps, I sent 50 likes and received only 3 matches back. A 6% match rate was a harsh wake-up call.
Researching dating market data revealed surprising facts. According to major matchmaking services, women's average desired income for male partners is **over 6 million yen annually**. However, the average income for men in their early 30s is about 4.7 million yen. This gap is a major factor in why men in their 30s struggle.
Intensified Competition by Age
What particularly struck me was **competition with men in their late 20s**. In the dating market, many women prefer "men who aren't too much older." A 28-year-old woman actually told me, "32 is a bit too old for me."
Meanwhile, women in their late 30s would say they prefer "someone older and more mature." I realized that **early 30s men exist in a dating market gap**.
The Critical Importance of Profiles
For the first three months, my profile was terrible. Selfie photos and a bio that just said "Nice to meet you." No wonder I wasn't matching.
After improving my profile, my match rate jumped from 6% to 18%. Specific improvements included:
- Professional photography (cost: 15,000 yen)
- Detailed self-introduction over 500 characters
- Clear expression of hobbies and values
- Concrete future vision statement
Truth #2: The Financial and Time Investment Is Beyond Imagination
Over 370 days of dating, I spent a total of **approximately 820,000 yen**. Here's the honest breakdown:
- Dating app subscriptions (3 apps simultaneously): 12,000 yen/month × 12 months = 144,000 yen
- Matchmaking party fees: Average 5,000 yen × 48 events = 240,000 yen
- Date expenses: Average 8,000 yen × 52 dates = 416,000 yen
- Professional profile photos: 15,000 yen
- Clothing and grooming: About 50,000 yen
The Time Investment Is Massive Too
Beyond money, the time investment was substantial:
- Checking apps and messaging: 1 hour daily
- Matchmaking parties: 1-2 times weekly (4 hours each including travel)
- Dates: Once weekly (5 hours including preparation)
I was spending **about 15 hours weekly, 60 hours monthly** on dating activities. That's enough time for a side business.
The Importance of ROI Thinking
However, don't view this investment negatively. I ultimately met an amazing partner. When considered as **an investment in finding a life partner**, it's not expensive at all.
The key is **making efficient investments**. As a failure example, I spent the first six months attending random matchmaking parties, wasting time and money on events that didn't suit me.
Truth #3: You Need Mental Strength to Endure Continuous Failure and Rejection
Before meeting 100 people, I experienced countless failures and rejections. Let me share some particularly painful experiences.
Being Ignored After Matching
The most painful part of dating apps is **being ignored after matching**. Even after matching and sending an enthusiastic message, about 40% never reply. Initially, I wondered if my messages were bad, but accepting this as normal in dating is crucial.
Ghosting After First Dates
Of 28 first dates, **only 9 led to second dates**. That means about 70% ended after the first meeting. I often thought, "But we had such a great conversation..."
Most memorable was a woman who, after three hours of enjoyable conversation and saying "Let's meet again" with a smile, texted the next day: "I don't think romantic feelings will develop." Honestly, it took a week to recover.
Immediate Rejection Based on Requirements
At matchmaking parties, I painfully realized **the harshness of being judged solely on criteria**. If income, height, or education didn't match, I'd be eliminated before anyone knew my personality.
At one party, a woman I was enjoying talking with asked, "What's your annual income?" When I answered honestly, her attitude changed instantly. I'll never forget that moment of emptiness.
Truth #4: Success Requires Strategic Approach and Continuous Improvement
Through repeated failures, I learned that **dating should be approached strategically like a business**.
Improvement Through Data Analysis
I tracked all dating activities in Excel. Which app, what type of profile, what results. The data revealed:
- **Weeknight message response rates were highest** (62%)
- **Continuation rate after matching tripled with shared hobbies**
- **First dates under 2 hours were optimal** (highest second date rate)
Clarifying Your Target
Initially thinking "anyone will do" was a huge mistake. After **clarifying my compatible type**, efficiency improved dramatically.
I discovered I was most compatible with women who:
- Had indoor hobbies like reading or movies
- Had positive attitudes toward work
- Valued family
Implementing PDCA Cycles
Monthly reviews identified improvement areas. For example:
- June: Changed profile photos → 12% match rate increase
- July: Improved message templates → 20% response rate increase
- August: Changed date venues to quiet cafes → 15% second date rate increase
Truth #5: Real Success Comes When You Let Go of "Perfection"
The most important truth: **The perfect ideal partner doesn't exist**.
The Gap Between Ideal and Reality
My initial ideal was:
- Age: 25-29
- Height: Over 160cm
- Income: Working but amount didn't matter
- Personality: Bright and sociable
- Appearance: Reasonably cute
But my actual partner:
- Age: 31 (one year younger than me)
- Height: 155cm
- Occupation: Freelance designer
- Personality: Introverted but strong-willed
- Appearance: Initially thought "average"
The Importance of Shared Values
Meeting 100 people taught me that **shared values matter infinitely more than surface criteria**.
My current partner and I talked for four hours on our first date. We were amazed how perfectly aligned our work views, family values, future visions, and financial philosophies were.
Abandoning the "Soulmate" Fantasy
The dating market has a trap called **"grass is greener" syndrome**. I fell into this temporarily.
But I realized something important: **Instead of searching for a soulmate, build a soulmate relationship with someone you meet**. This mindset shift led to meeting my current partner.
Practical Advice for Men in Their 30s to Succeed in Dating
1. Build Your Foundation in the First 3 Months
- Get professional photos
- Conduct thorough self-analysis
- Try multiple dating methods simultaneously
2. Focus on Numbers
- Approach at least 10 people weekly
- Attend real-world events at least twice monthly
- Review strategy every 3 months
3. Don't Neglect Mental Care
- Take one day weekly completely off from dating
- Relieve stress through hobbies and exercise
- Have courage to pause when needed
4. Don't Skimp on Investment
- Invest in appearance (clothing, haircut, skincare)
- Invest in opportunities (paid plans, event attendance)
- Invest in growth (hobbies, certifications, experiences)
5. Prepare for the Long Game
- Commit to at least one year
- Set monthly budgets within reasonable limits
- Accumulate small wins
Conclusion: The Greatest Gain from 370 Days of Dating
370 days, over 100 women met, 820,000 yen spent, countless failures experienced. Looking back, every bit of this experience was necessary.
The greatest gain was obviously meeting my wonderful partner, but that's not all. **Facing myself and growing as a person** became my most valuable asset.
The communication skills developed through dating benefit my work, along with planning abilities, learning from failure, and most importantly, **the mental strength to never give up**.
Dating as a man in your 30s certainly has harsh realities. But with strategic approach, continuous improvement, and appropriate investment, the path will open.
To those currently struggling: Your efforts will be rewarded. It might not look like what you imagined, but that's the first step toward true happiness.
After completing 370 days of dating, I can say with certainty: **Dating is one of life's most valuable self-investments**. Don't give up, don't push too hard, continue at your pace. Amazing encounters await you.
