Is Dating Really That Harsh for Men in Their 30s? The Reality Through Data
I started my marriage hunting journey when I was 32 years old. While watching my friends get married one after another, I thought "I still have time," but when I actually jumped into the dating market, I faced a much harsher reality than I had imagined.
**According to the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare's vital statistics, about 47% of men in their 30s are unmarried**. This means nearly half of men in their 30s are single. Furthermore, a survey by a major dating site revealed that the average matching rate for men in their 30s on dating apps is only 2.3%.
In my first three months, I sent "likes" to about 200 women. Only 8 of them matched with me, and I managed to go on dates with just 3. From this experience, I realized that **dating for men in their 30s cannot be won without strategy**.
Why Does Dating Become Difficult for Men in Their 30s?
The Gap Between Women's Ideals and Reality
The conditions that women seek from men in their 30s in the dating market are becoming increasingly strict. **Men in their 30s who meet criteria such as annual income over $45,000, height over 5'7", and college education** actually make up only about 30% of the total population.
The honest opinions I heard from women at dating parties were:
- "Men in their 30s should be financially stable"
- "I want to prioritize current stability over future potential"
- "I want a sense of security rather than the excitement of my 20s"
What these voices reveal is that **men in their 30s are expected to be "immediately capable"**.
Changes in Competition
Unlike in their 20s, the competition changes for men in their 30s. You're competing against peers who have established income and social status, as well as men in their 40s who are popular with women in their late 20s seeking "mature masculinity." Being caught in this double competition is the fate of men in their 30s.
My Practical Strategy That Tripled My Dating App Success Rate
Profile Photos: "First Impressions Are 90%"
**My matching rate improved dramatically after changing my profile photos**. Initially, I used selfies and photos taken by friends, but I decided to invest in hiring a professional photographer.
The cost was $270, but this investment was the most effective. My matching rate improved about 4 times, and I started matching with over 10 women per month.
**Key points for effective profile photos:**
- Bright, smiling photos taken in natural light
- Clean, business-casual clothing
- 3-4 sub-photos showing hobbies or work situations
- Minimal editing to avoid creating a gap with reality
Self-Introduction: Balancing "Specificity" and "Approachability"
Many men fall into the trap of "overselling" themselves in their self-introductions. I initially wrote mechanical texts that just listed my income, education, and hobbies.
**Effective self-introduction structure:**
1. **Greeting and brief self-introduction** (1-2 lines)
2. **Specific work description** (avoiding technical jargon)
3. **About 3 hobbies/interests**
4. **Desired relationship and future vision**
5. **A friendly closing line**
For example, instead of "I work in IT," I wrote "I help companies create websites. I find fulfillment in the process of solving challenges together with clients," **combining work content with personal values**.
Messaging Strategy: Standing Out with "Questioning Skills"
**The key to post-match messaging is making the other person think "I want to talk more with this person"**. I focus on these three points:
1. **Read the other person's profile carefully and ask specific questions**
2. **Show an attitude of listening rather than talking about yourself**
3. **Find common ground to create familiarity**
For example, if someone wrote "cooking is my hobby," I'd say "You cook! I just started recently and can only make basic dishes. What's your specialty?" **By asking about their expertise and honestly admitting my inexperience**, I can gain their familiarity.
Communication Techniques to Lead to Dates
Timing the Actual Proposal
**The best timing to propose a date is after 3-5 days and 10-15 message exchanges**. Too early creates suspicion, too late and other men might get ahead.
My template message is:
"Time flies when talking with you. If you're available, would you like to have tea sometime? I'd love to hear more about [topic] directly, and I'd like you to know more about me too."
**The key is expressing both "interest in the other person" and "desire to be known"**.
First Date Mastery Learned from Failures
My biggest first date mistake was "trying too hard to present a perfect version of myself." I booked expensive restaurants, pretended to know things I didn't, and ultimately failed to close the distance with my date.
**Conditions for successful first dates:**
- **Location**: Cafes or family restaurants where you can talk easily
- **Duration**: 2-3 hours (not too long, not too short)
- **Attire**: Clean, casual style
- **Conversation**: 80% listening to them, 20% talking about yourself
Mental Management to Overcome Dating Fatigue
Building Immunity to Rejection
**In dating for men in their 30s, rejection is a daily occurrence**. In my first six months, I was rejected over 50 times and completely lost confidence at one point.
However, once I started viewing rejection as "a matter of compatibility," I felt mentally lighter. **By accepting "this person and I weren't meant to be,"** I could focus on the next opportunity.
Accumulating Success Experiences
To maintain motivation for continued dating, **accumulating small success experiences** is important.
- Recording match numbers
- Setting date frequency goals
- Feeling improvement in conversation skills
- Positive feedback from women
By recording these, I could feel my growth and maintain the motivation to continue.
Data-Based Efficient App Selection
Understanding Age Demographics and User Characteristics
**The most effective dating apps for men in their 30s depend on user age demographics and seriousness about marriage**. Based on my actual usage and verification:
1. **Pairs**: Many women in their early 30s with high seriousness
2. **Omiai**: Many women seeking marriage-oriented relationships
3. **with**: Psychological approach to meet compatible partners
After 3 months of activity on each app, Pairs had the highest matching rate, and I actually started a relationship with someone I met on Pairs.
Payment Strategy: Maximizing Cost-Effectiveness
**The appropriate investment in dating apps is about $27-45 per month**. Initially, I paid for multiple apps simultaneously, but it wasn't effective.
It's more efficient to focus on one app for 3-6 months, then switch if results don't come. **The most effective premium features were "increased likes" and "expanded search criteria"**.
Summary: The Mindset for Men in Their 30s to Succeed in Dating
**Dating for men in their 30s is certainly challenging, but with the right strategy and continuous effort, results will definitely come**. While my first three months were disastrous, after revising my strategy, I met my ideal partner within six months.
**Three mindsets for success:**
1. **Act based on data and strategy**: Stay analytical, not emotional
2. **Commit to continuous improvement**: Turn failures into future successes
3. **Never stop self-improvement**: Polish both appearance and inner self
While dating can sometimes feel painful, **the joy of meeting your ideal partner surpasses all the previous struggles**. Don't waste the precious time of your 30s—start taking action today.
I hope my experience serves as a reference for your dating success. Let's work hard together!
