As someone who has lived as a bilingual, I've noticed that the way we express emotions in love changes with the language we speak. When I say "aishiteru" in Japanese versus "I love you" in English, the emotional movement in my heart feels subtly different.
In this article, I'll analyze the differences in emotional expression that bilingual couples face and the psychological mechanisms behind them, drawing from personal experience. Understanding the mysterious relationship between language and emotion will help you find hints for nurturing deeper love.
Does Personality Change with Language? The Psychology of Bilingual Romance
"I feel like my personality changes when I speak Japanese versus English."
This is a phenomenon many bilinguals experience. In fact, psychological research has proven that "thought patterns and emotional expression change depending on the language used."
Personally, I become more reserved and thoughtful when speaking Japanese, while I'm more assertive and emotionally expressive in English. This isn't just imagination - the cultural background and expressive structure of each language influences our psychological state.
The Intimate Relationship Between Language and Emotion
According to psycholinguistic research, our emotions are largely shaped by language. For example, Japanese has many words expressing emotions that can't be translated into English with a single word, such as "amaeru" (to depend on someone's affection), "setsunai" (bittersweet longing), and "natsukashii" (nostalgic).
Conversely, English words like "passionate," "intimate," and "affectionate" are concepts difficult to completely replace in Japanese. The existence of these words enriches the emotional experiences of people who speak these languages.
In romance too, the depth of emotion and methods of expression change depending on the language used. The modest feeling when saying "suki" in Japanese and the straightforward emotion when saying "I like you" in English have subtly different nuances.
Differences in Expressing Love in Japanese and English
What first confuses bilingual couples is the difference in frequency and intensity of affectionate expressions. American partners say "I love you" almost daily, while Japanese partners rarely verbalize "aishiteru."
This difference stems not just from cultural gaps but from the language structure itself. English "I love you" has a clear subject-verb-object structure that directly conveys emotion. In Japanese, the subject is often omitted, and the word "aishiteru" itself feels heavy.
The Importance of Non-verbal Communication
In Japanese romance, non-verbal expressions play a crucial role. Love is often shown through considerate actions, subtle care, and how time is spent together rather than through words.
In English-speaking cultures, verbal expressions of love are routine - "I love you," "You mean everything to me," "I can't imagine my life without you" - verbalizing emotions is considered proof of love.
Bilingual couples need to understand both expression methods and use them in balance. By showing love not just through words but also through actions, deeper bonds can be formed.
Emotional Expression Gaps Faced by Bilingual Couples
What kinds of emotional expression gaps do actual bilingual couples face? Let me analyze cases from couples I've met through counseling.
Case 1: Differences in Frequency of Affection
In couples with American men and Japanese women, the frequency of saying "I love you" often becomes an issue. The man says "I love you" daily, but the woman can only respond with "me too," causing anxiety for her partner.
In this case, it's not just language differences but also cultural values about expressing affection. In Japan, "aishiteru" is reserved for special moments, while in English-speaking cultures, it's a daily affirmation of love.
Case 2: Differences in Emotional Intensity
Many report that fighting in Japanese versus English results in different ways emotions explode. English has rich vocabulary for direct emotional expression, conveying both anger and love straightforwardly.
Japanese has more indirect expressions, sometimes making true feelings hard to convey. The subtle nuance of "betsu ni ii kedo..." (it's fine, but...) becomes simply "It's fine" in English, losing its true meaning.
Psychological Approaches to Overcoming Language Differences
For bilingual couples to build happy relationships, they need to understand language differences and turn them into strengths. Here are practical approaches:
1. Meta-linguistic Communication
It's important to discuss language itself, like "What I wanted to convey with that Japanese expression was this feeling." Understanding each other's language characteristics can prevent misunderstandings.
For example, explain that "Japanese 'daijoubu' has more complex meanings than English 'I'm fine,'" and develop habits of confirming true intentions in context.
2. Emotion Translation Practice
Practicing expressing your emotions in both languages expands your range of emotional expression. Try conveying "sabishii" (lonely) as "I miss you," "I feel lonely," "I wish you were here," using multiple expressions.
Through this practice, you'll realize that one emotion has various aspects, enabling richer emotional expression.
3. Sharing Cultural Context
Language is closely tied to culture. Understanding each other's cultural backgrounds helps read the meaning behind words.
Understanding the difference between Japan's "ishin-denshin" (heart-to-heart communication) culture and the West's "verbalize everything" culture, and incorporating the best of both, enables deeper communication.
Deepening Love by Leveraging Bilingual Strengths
Being bilingual is a great strength in romance. Being able to express love in two languages expands emotional range and enables building richer relationships.
The Joy of Code-Switching
Switching languages according to situations keeps relationships fresh. Even if you usually speak Japanese, expressing love in English at special moments, or vice versa, brings variety to the relationship.
One couple I know has a rule: they discuss conflicts frankly in English and make up using gentle Japanese expressions. Using languages strategically based on their characteristics makes communication more effective.
Expanding Emotional Expression Range
The greatest strength of being bilingual is having double the options for emotional expression. Combining Japanese's delicate emotional expressions with English's direct affectionate expressions allows conveying feelings more deeply.
Being able to use both the Japanese romantic confession "The moon is beautiful tonight" and the Western expression "You are my everything" according to the situation is a privilege unique to bilingual couples.
Conclusion: Making Language Differences a Bridge of Love
While differences in emotional expression in bilingual romance can sometimes be challenging, they hold even greater potential for enriching relationships.
The fact that ways of loving change with language isn't negative at all. Rather, being able to perceive and express love from multiple perspectives creates deeper understanding and bonds.
What's important is not viewing language differences as barriers but as chances to expand each other's worlds. Learning your partner's language is also getting closer to their heart.
To all bilingual couples: while enjoying language differences, create your own unique form of love that incorporates the best of both cultures. That's the true charm of international romance.
