Taking control in romantic relationships is something many men aspire to achieve. However, most don't know how to actually do it, and end up being led by women instead. As a former host club owner who has observed countless romantic relationships, I can tell you that taking control in love is absolutely achievable through a combination of strategy and psychology.
Today, I'm revealing 7 specific strategies that apply negotiation tactics and psychological analysis techniques I developed in the business world to romantic relationships. These methods are ones I actually used during my host days and continue to use in business settings—they're proven techniques.
What's important is using these strategies not to "manipulate," but as **tools to build relationships where both parties can be happy**. True control doesn't mean dominating your partner—it means demonstrating leadership that guides the relationship in a positive direction.
Why Do Men Lose Control in Relationships?
The reasons most men lose control in relationships are clear: "accommodating too much," "undervaluing themselves," and most critically, "being swayed by emotions."
Women are instinctively attracted to men who can lead them. This is a proven fact in evolutionary psychology—**the tendency to be drawn to men with strong leadership** is biologically programmed.
However, many modern men confuse "kindness" with "lack of initiative." True kindness sometimes means making tough decisions for your partner's sake, not leaving everything up to them.
The women I met during my host days would say they wanted "kind men," but were actually captivated by men with decisiveness who held firm opinions. This is a classic example of the gap between what people say and what they really want in relationships.
Three Typical Patterns of Losing Control
**1. Excessive Consideration Pattern** - Always worrying about your partner's mood and being unable to express your own opinions
**2. Decision Avoidance Pattern** - Constantly leaving date plans and important choices to your partner
**3. Emotional Dependency Pattern** - Being overly affected by your partner's emotional changes and losing your own center
Falling into these patterns disrupts the power balance in relationships and ultimately leads to losing your partner's respect.
Psychological Strategy 1: Utilize the "Scarcity Principle"
One of the most effective psychological principles in romance is the "scarcity principle." People tend to value things that are harder to obtain. In business terms, this is the "supply and demand principle."
**Practical Implementation:**
Instead of immediately responding to your partner's messages, create appropriate "gaps." This isn't about ignoring them—it's about conveying the message that **while you care about them deeply, you also value your own time and principles**.
For example, if your partner sends a LINE message at 9 PM, don't reply immediately. Wait 2-3 hours, then respond with something like "I just finished work and felt relieved seeing your message."
The same applies to dating frequency. Keep it to once or twice a week, creating the impression that **"time spent with you is special, so I adjust my other commitments to make time for you."**
Specific Techniques to Increase Scarcity
- Don't contact them daily; maintain a pace of once every 2-3 days
- Propose dates a week in advance with a "that's the only day I'm free" feel
- Sometimes suggest "I have plans with friends this weekend, so let's do next week"
Psychological Strategy 2: Manipulate Impressions with the "Contrast Principle"
The contrast principle is a psychological phenomenon where impressions change dramatically based on differences in surrounding situations. Master this, and you can intentionally control your partner's emotions.
**Practical Example:**
Maintain a cool, calm demeanor normally, then occasionally show kindness or passion to shake your partner's heart. For instance, usually only respond with "I see" but provide full support when your partner is in trouble.
This gap creates a powerful impression for your partner, producing the special feeling that **"this person is usually cool, but he's actually kind."**
A technique I used during my host days was speaking politely in honorifics normally, but switching to casual speech only in emotional moments. This momentary change gives your partner the special feeling of "seeing the real him."
Using Contrast During Dates
- Listen quietly during meals, then passionately say "I really enjoyed today" when parting
- Usually split bills, but on special days declare "I'm paying today. It's my way of showing gratitude"
- Show a gentle side with animals or children despite a cool exterior
Psychological Strategy 3: Create Psychological Bonds Using "Cognitive Dissonance"
Cognitive dissonance is the psychological discomfort that arises from holding contradictory beliefs or feelings simultaneously. Applied to romance, this principle can create situations where your partner constantly thinks about you.
**Specific Mechanism:**
By being sometimes cold and sometimes warm toward your partner, you make them wonder "what does this person really think of me?" Until this question is resolved, your partner will continue thinking about you.
However, this isn't simple "tsundere" behavior. **Acting based on consistent rules is crucial**. For example, "maintain some distance when your partner becomes clingy, but provide support when they're anxious."
Practical Dissonance Creation Methods
- Create some distance when your partner becomes completely comfortable
- Follow compliments with light criticism to avoid seeming perfect
- Limit contact for a few days after passionate dates
These behaviors will leave your partner with the persistent desire to "know this person's true feelings."
Psychological Strategy 4: Enhance Your Value Through "Social Proof"
Social proof is the psychological tendency to reference others' actions and evaluations when making judgments. In romance too, **third-party evaluations significantly influence your partner's perception of you**.
What I particularly emphasized during my host days was creating the impression of being "a man popular with other women." This wasn't promoting infidelity, but using it as a means to prove being **a socially valuable man**.
**Implementation Methods:**
- Occasionally post group photos with opposite-sex friends on SNS (without showing intimacy with specific individuals)
- Naturally share moments from parties or events
- Share work successes and recognition as facts while staying humble
What's important is conveying this **not as bragging but as "sharing facts."** Say things like "I was happy to receive gratitude from my subordinate today" to indirectly demonstrate your value.
Value Enhancement Strategies Using SNS
- Report work achievements and awards with humility
- Document progress in hobbies and skills
- Subtly showcase participation in social contribution activities
Psychological Strategy 5: Gain Trust Through the "Authority Principle"
The authority principle is the psychological phenomenon of being more likely to follow opinions from people with expertise or status. In romance too, demonstrating **expertise or credibility in specific fields** can earn respect and trust from your partner.
This doesn't necessarily mean high social status or income. Deep knowledge and passion in any field—cooking, movies, music, sports—is sufficient.
**Practical Approach:**
Create opportunities to teach your partner about your area of expertise. However, it's important to convey this **not condescendingly but as shared joy**.
For example, if you're knowledgeable about wine, start with "Are you interested in hearing about this wine's region?" Check your partner's interest before beginning. If they show interest, share your expertise in an understandable and enjoyable way.
Specific Actions to Increase Authority
- Increase reading to accumulate knowledge for various topics
- Develop deep expertise in one field
- Learn about areas your partner is interested in and provide valuable information
Psychological Strategy 6: Strategically Utilize the "Reciprocity Principle"
The reciprocity principle is the psychological tendency to want to return something when you receive something. However, it's not simply "give and you'll receive." **Strategic timing and methods** are crucial.
First, understand that **emotionally valuable things** are more effective than material gifts. Listening carefully to your partner and remembering what they say resonates more than expensive presents.
**Effective Practical Examples:**
- Remember a small worry your partner mentioned before and propose solutions
- Give them a new book by their favorite author saying you "happened to find it"
- Bring their favorite coffee when they're tired
What's important is including the message that **"I'm always thinking about you."**
Tips to Maximize Reciprocity
- Provide timely support when your partner is in trouble
- Prioritize emotional value over material value
- Don't show that you expect something in return
Psychological Strategy 7: Deepen Relationships Through "Commitment and Consistency"
The final strategy involves having your partner make small promises and keeping them to deepen your relationship. People have a psychological tendency to maintain consistency with their actions, so **they try to keep promises once made, and these actions become established as personal values**.
**Gradual Commitment Strategy:**
1. **Start with small promises** - "Tell me about that café you recommend sometime"
2. **Develop into medium promises** - "Let's go to that café together"
3. **Promises involving the relationship** - "Let's be honest with each other"
As your partner keeps promises at each stage, the recognition that **"this relationship is important"** becomes reinforced.
I use similar techniques in business negotiations. Start with small agreements and gradually develop them into larger contracts. The same principle applies to romance.
Effective Commitment Design
- Start with small promises your partner can easily achieve
- Always express gratitude when promises are kept
- When they fail, don't blame but provide the next opportunity
Conclusion: What is True Control?
By practicing these 7 psychological strategies, you can definitely take control in romantic relationships. However, let me share the most important point at the end.
**True control isn't about manipulating your partner—it's about leading so that both of you can build a better relationship.** I want you to use these strategies as means to make your partner happy.
What I learned transitioning from the host world to business is that methods that deceive partners for short-term gains ultimately bring unhappiness to both parties.
Control in romance must be **leadership based on deep understanding and respect for your partner**. I sincerely hope these strategies help make your romantic life more fulfilling.
If I may offer one final piece of advice: simply learning these techniques isn't enough. **Actually putting them into practice and finding your own methods through experience** is most important. Both romance and business are skills that can only be truly acquired through practice.
