Taking control in love - this is something many secretly desire but struggle to achieve. As a former host club owner who has witnessed thousands of romantic relationships unfold, let me be clear: taking control in love is **not about dominance**. It's a strategic approach to developing healthy relationships where both partners can find happiness.
Today, I'll share seven essential strategies that apply business psychology to romance, helping you build the relationship you desire. These aren't theoretical concepts - they're **practical techniques** I've developed through real experience.
Why Control Matters in Relationships
Control in relationships isn't about dominating your partner. It's about having the **power to guide the relationship's direction** and steering both of your futures toward something better.
One reason many couples fail is that neither takes control, leaving the relationship to drift aimlessly. Alternatively, both partners fight for control, turning love into a power game.
What I learned during my host club days is that with control comes responsibility. It means taking on the role of guiding the relationship to its best possible state while considering your partner's happiness.
Approaching Love with a Business Mindset
In business, every project needs a leader. Love is the same. The 'project' of your relationship needs someone at the helm to ensure success.
However, leadership in love shouldn't be dictatorial. It's about establishing a position where you can **make final decisions while still listening to your partner's input**.
Strategy 1: Creating Scarcity
Human psychology follows the 'scarcity principle' - we value what's harder to obtain. Applied to romance, this can elevate your value in your partner's eyes.
Specifically, **give slightly less time than your partner expects**. If they want to meet daily, meet three times a week. Don't reply to messages instantly; create appropriate gaps. This gives your partner time to think about you and increases your perceived value.
This isn't about causing suffering. It's a strategy to maintain healthy distance, preserve individual time, and maximize joy when you're together.
Practical Example: Controlling Date Frequency
I had a client who was wrapped around his girlfriend's finger. By meeting her daily demands and dedicating all his time to her, she began seeing him as merely 'convenient.'
Following my advice, he limited dates to three times weekly, dedicating the rest to hobbies and work. Initially, she complained, but within a month, she was saying she 'looked forward to their dates,' completely reversing the dynamic.
Strategy 2: Creating Emotional Peaks and Valleys
Flat relationships breed boredom. Moderate emotional fluctuation is **crucial for maintaining interest**.
This isn't about creating insecurity. It's about occasionally breaking predictable patterns and adding surprise elements to keep things fresh.
People who are always nice end up in the 'friend zone.' Sometimes offer tough opinions, sometimes create romantic surprises. This **control of rhythm** makes your partner obsessed with you.
Strategy 3: Strategic Mirroring
Mirroring involves naturally copying someone's behavior and speech patterns to create rapport. But to take control in love, you need to use this strategically.
Mirror your partner's positive aspects to show empathy. However, for their weaknesses or areas needing improvement, **deliberately don't mirror them - show a better behavioral model instead**. This makes your partner respect you and naturally fall under your influence.
Guiding Language Patterns
For instance, when your partner uses negative language, always offer positive reframes. When they say 'I'm exhausted,' respond with 'Sounds like you had a fulfilling day.' These small changes gradually shift their thought patterns.
Strategy 4: Gradual Decision-Making Acquisition
Trying to seize control suddenly creates resistance. The key is **gradually acquiring decision-making power**.
Start with small decisions. Instead of letting your partner choose restaurants or movies, suggest 'Let's go here today' and follow through. Once they're comfortable with this, they'll gradually trust you with bigger decisions.
This applies the business 'foot-in-the-door' technique - starting with small requests and gradually escalating to larger ones.
Taking Responsibility for Decisions
However, having decision-making power means bearing responsibility for outcomes. Someone who blames their partner when things go wrong has no right to control.
**'I made this decision, so I'll take responsibility.'** This attitude wins trust and earns you greater decision-making authority.
Strategy 5: Expectation Management
Controlling your partner's expectations is crucial for maintaining control. Always trying to exceed expectations raises the bar until you burn out.
The smart strategy is **operating at 70% capacity normally and delivering 120% at crucial moments**. This way, your partner regularly experiences pleasant surprises while maintaining a consistently high opinion of you.
The Science of Surprises
Surprises should be planned strategically. Don't surprise them on the 1st of every month; use irregular timing. Using psychology's 'variable ratio schedule,' your partner will constantly anticipate your next surprise.
Strategy 6: Strategic Self-Disclosure
Showing vulnerability might seem like surrendering control. However, **strategic self-disclosure actually strengthens control**.
Playing perfect becomes suffocating. Showing moderate vulnerability makes your partner want to 'protect' you, deepening their affection.
But choose your vulnerabilities carefully. Show 'endearing weaknesses,' not fatal flaws. For example, 'I'm actually afraid of heights' - something that doesn't significantly impact the relationship.
Turning Weakness into Strength
I often share past failures, saying 'I made this mistake before,' then concluding with 'but I learned from it and grew.' This shows vulnerability while demonstrating growth and strength.
Strategy 7: Eliminating Exit Options
The final strategy is making your partner think 'there's no one else but them.' This isn't brainwashing. It's **maximizing the benefits of being with you and making life without you unimaginable**.
Specifically, become someone who helps your partner grow and enriches their life. Share hobbies, provide new experiences, expand their possibilities.
In business terms, this increases the 'switching cost.' The more they'd lose by leaving you, the more they'll value your relationship.
Creating Symbiosis, Not Dependence
This isn't about creating dependency. It's about creating a relationship where two independent individuals reach higher levels together.
Making your partner feel **'I'm my best self with you'** - that's ultimate control.
Conclusion: Control Comes with Responsibility
Taking control in love isn't about getting your way. It's about accepting **responsibility for guiding the relationship toward something better**.
These seven psychological strategies are all field-tested techniques. But never use them to hurt your partner.
Those who take control must value their partner's happiness as much as their own. Only then can you truly control love.
Let me leave you with this: love and business are ultimately about human relationships. While techniques matter, what's most important is **respecting your partner and growing together**.
Master these strategies, and you'll definitely build your ideal relationship. I wish you the best.
