"Is it okay to have a boyfriend when I have a bias?"
When my friend asked me this, I immediately answered: "Of course!"
Did you know that **about 70% of Gen Z girls are involved in some kind of stan culture**? Idols, actors, anime characters, VTubers... everyone has their own type of bias. And many of them are also properly dating.
But honestly, "balancing stan culture and dating" is incredibly difficult. Your boyfriend doesn't understand your fandom, you can't find time for fan activities, you feel guilty... I've experienced all these struggles.
Today, with 5 years of stan experience and 2 years with a boyfriend, I'm sharing the **complete guide to successfully balancing stan culture and dating**! Based on my experience and over 100 friends' cases, I've compiled only genuinely useful techniques.
Both your bias and boyfriend are important. It's okay to be greedy! So let's start this happy dating guide for fangirls ♡
Why Stan Culture and Dating Can Coexist
First, I want to emphasize that **your bias and boyfriend are completely different entities**.
Your bias is someone you project "ideals" onto. Can't meet them, can't touch them, but they support your heart. Meanwhile, your boyfriend is someone you share "reality" with. Eating together, dating, supporting each other.
Comparing these two is nonsensical in itself.
Benefits Stan Culture Brings to Dating
Actually, girls who stan are often **better at relationships**!
The reason is simple. Through their bias, they constantly experience "the feeling of liking someone." They're emotionally rich and good at expressing love. That sparkle in your eyes when talking about your bias - your boyfriend will think it's cute.
Plus, stan culture creates **habits of valuing personal time**, so you don't become too dependent on your boyfriend. This is incredibly important for building healthy relationships.
Logically Explaining Why It's "Not Cheating"
Some say "having a bias is cheating," but that's wrong.
The definition of cheating is "having romantic or physical relationships with someone other than your partner." You can't even physically meet your bias, and they don't even know you exist. It's **one-sided admiration**, not a romantic relationship.
Rather, stan culture is in the "hobby" category. Liking games, liking movies - "liking your bias" is the same level. If enjoying hobbies is cheating, every couple in the world would be guilty (lol).
Finding and Nurturing Understanding Boyfriends
The most important thing for balancing stan culture and dating is having an **understanding boyfriend**.
Don't Hide Your Stan Activities from the Start
Be **open about your stan activities** before dating. Hiding it and getting caught later is the worst.
I came out on our first date: "Actually, I have a bias." My boyfriend's reaction was "Oh, who is it?" with genuine interest. At this point, you can tell if they'll be understanding.
People who react like "Am I less important than your bias?" - honestly, avoid them. You won't be happy with someone who **can't respect your hobbies**.
Gradually Share Your Bias's Appeal
Share your bias's appeal with your boyfriend **gradually**. Getting too passionate too quickly will scare them off (learned from experience).
My recommended approach:
1. **Play your bias's music in the car** (casually)
2. **Watch your bias's works together** (movies or dramas)
3. **Share just 3 good things about your bias** (concisely)
Gradually get them used to your bias's existence, ultimately having them recognize it as "something important to my girlfriend."
Turn Your Boyfriend into a "Stan Activity Supporter"
The ultimate ideal is your boyfriend **supporting your stan activities**!
My boyfriend now reminds me "You have a livestream today, right?" and waits in merch lines with me. He even sends "Happy Birthday" messages on my bias's birthday (lol).
It took a year to get here, but consistently expressing **gratitude** is important. Never forget to say "Thank you for understanding" and "I'm happy you're with me."
Smart Time and Money Management
Both stan culture and dating require **time and money**. Without smart distribution, both become half-hearted.
Separate Stan Funds and Dating Funds
I **clearly separate my monthly budget**:
- Stan activities: ¥15,000 (merch, streams, events)
- Dating: ¥10,000 (meals, movies, transportation)
- Savings: ¥5,000 (for future big events)
Following this prevents regrets like "I spent too much this month..."
The key is **telling your boyfriend the budget** too. If you say in advance "I have a concert this month, so let's be frugal on dates," they'll understand.
Schedule Management Secrets
To value both stan events and dates with your boyfriend, you need **planning**.
My techniques:
1. **Manage everything with Google Calendar** (blue for stan activities, red for dates)
2. **Adjust schedules together at month's start**
3. **Prioritize important bias events**
4. **Prioritize boyfriend on other days**
The key is **balance**. Avoid things like not meeting for 3 days straight for your bias.
The New Form: Stan Activity Dates
Recently popular: **dates where you enjoy stan activities together**!
Pilgrimage Dates
Visiting locations from your bias's works - **pilgrimages**. Make these into dates!
We did a location tour from a drama my bias appeared in. My boyfriend kindly watched me get excited like "This scene was filmed here...!" He took lots of photos too.
You can enjoy sightseeing and stan activities. A **two-birds-one-stone** date plan!
Enjoying Cafes and Collaboration Events
Going to bias collaboration cafes or pop-up stores together works too!
Even if your boyfriend isn't interested in your bias, they can enjoy **limited menus** and **Instagram-worthy spots**. When he said "I'm happy seeing you so happy," I almost cried.
Enjoying Your Bias's Works Together
Movies, dramas, anime... **watching** your bias's works together is recommended.
Suggest "Want to watch my bias's movie today?" and go to the cinema together. Discussing impressions afterward is fun too. Boyfriends often say "It was surprisingly good."
Dealing with Balance Failures
Honestly, it doesn't always go well. Sometimes we fight.
Model Answer to "Your Bias or Me?"
You'll definitely get asked this at least once (lol).
My answer: "**They're not comparable.**"
"My bias is nutrition for my heart, you're my life partner. Both are important in different ways, and without either, I wouldn't be myself."
When I explained this, my boyfriend understood. People who say **"choose one"** aren't trying to understand in the first place.
Discussing Jealousy and Complaints
When your boyfriend has complaints, it's important to **properly address them**.
If he says "You've been doing too much stan stuff lately, I'm lonely," first apologize. Then offer **specific improvements**.
Like "I'll reduce bias events next month and increase our time together" or "Let's have a full day date next holiday." **Showing through actions** builds trust.
Sometimes Taking Distance Is Important
When you really can't understand each other, **temporarily taking distance** is okay.
Once, we reduced contact for a week. During that time, we both thought and realized "I still want to be together." It's important **not to be too obsessed** with either stan culture or dating.
Happy Relationship Patterns for Fangirls
Introducing **success patterns** of girls balancing stan culture and dating.
Pattern 1: Complete Separation
The type that **completely separates** stan activities and dating.
Fully focused on bias during stan time, fully focused on boyfriend during date time. Good at switching, can enjoy both 100%.
My friend A is this type. She decided "I don't talk about my bias with my boyfriend, don't show merch in front of him."
Pattern 2: Sharing Type
The type that **shares stan activities** with their boyfriend.
Going to concerts together, buying merch together. The boyfriend becomes a fan too.
I'm this type. Being able to get excited talking about my bias with my boyfriend is truly happiness.
Pattern 3: Supporter Type
The boyfriend isn't interested in the bias but **supports stan activities**.
They ask "Enjoy the concert today" or "Did you get the merch?" They don't interfere but don't deny either. This is also a wonderful relationship.
Conclusion: The Happiness of Valuing Both Your Bias and Boyfriend
How was that? Does balancing stan culture and dating seem possible now?
The important thing is **not denying either**. You can't date because you have a bias, can't stan because you have a boyfriend - that's not true.
Our Gen Z generation can accept **diverse forms of love**. Love for your bias and love for your boyfriend are both real.
Finally, to all fangirls: You don't need to be **ashamed of having a bias**. Stan proudly and date proudly.
And to boyfriends: Please **don't deny** your girlfriend's stan activities. It's an important part of her. Your effort to understand will make her happier.
Both bias and boyfriend are important. Let's all grab this greedy happiness!
Balancing stan culture and dating is a new form of love for a new era. Enjoy both in your own way ♡
