Six months into my marriage hunting journey, I found myself experiencing severe dating fatigue. I was exchanging messages daily on dating apps and attending marriage parties every weekend. However, facing the reality of not meeting my ideal partner, I began to feel "exhausted."
Dating fatigue is a serious issue faced by modern single men and women. According to a survey by IBJ Corporation, approximately 70% of people engaged in marriage hunting reported "feeling dating fatigue at some point." I was part of this statistic myself.
However, by implementing appropriate coping strategies, I was able to overcome dating fatigue and eventually meet my ideal partner. Today, I'll share seven practical steps to overcome dating fatigue and maintain motivation, based on my real experience.
Understanding the Nature of Dating Fatigue
Dating fatigue isn't just physical exhaustion. Psychologically, it's classified as a type of "burnout syndrome." When I experienced dating fatigue, my symptoms included:
**Psychological Symptoms**
- Reluctance to open dating apps
- Wanting to decline date invitations
- Increased anxiety about the future
- Decreased self-esteem
**Physical Symptoms**
- Poor sleep quality
- Loss of appetite
- Headaches and shoulder stiffness
- Persistent fatigue
In my case, I was particularly prone to self-deprecating thoughts like "Maybe I'm not attractive enough." However, these are typical symptoms of dating fatigue that many people experience.
Three Main Causes of Dating Fatigue
**1. Gap Between Expectations and Reality**
Initially, I believed I could "meet my ideal partner within three months." However, reality was harsh, and even after six months, I hadn't met someone I was satisfied with.
**2. Fear of Rejection and Actual Rejection Experiences**
Being left on read on dating apps or having no contact after dates affects you more than you'd imagine.
**3. Monotony in Dating Activities**
Viewing similar profiles, having similar conversations, and going on dates to similar places made dating feel like a "chore."
Step 1: Redefine Your Dating Purpose
When I felt dating fatigue, the first thing I did was reconsider "why I was doing marriage hunting."
**Previous Purpose (Surface Level)**
- Because people around me are getting married
- Not wanting to worry my parents
- Feeling lonely being alone
**New Purpose (Essential)**
- To find a partner who will enrich my life
- To grow as a person
- To build a loving relationship
Redefining my purpose significantly changed my attitude toward dating. I shifted from the obligation of "I must get married" to the positive motivation of "I want to build a wonderful partnership."
Step 2: Accumulate Small Successes
One major cause of dating fatigue is setting "success" as the too-large goal of "marriage." I was able to maintain motivation by setting smaller success indicators.
**Examples of Small Successes**
- Matching with one person per day on dating apps
- Making your date laugh on a first date
- Being able to initiate conversations proactively
- Sending thank-you messages after dates
- Accepting rejection positively
For example, even if the conversation didn't flow well on a first date, I evaluated myself on "being able to continue the conversation through my own efforts."
The Effect of Keeping a Success Journal
One method I practiced was keeping a "success journal." Every night before bed, I wrote down three small dating-related successes from that day.
**Actual Success Journal Example (August 15, 2023)**
1. Matched with three new people on dating apps
2. Updated profile photo with a more natural smile
3. Had a natural 10-minute conversation with a woman I met for the first time at a marriage party
This habit helped me notice small progress in dating and recover my confidence.
Step 3: Intentionally Set Rest Periods
When feeling dating fatigue, it's common to think "I must try harder," but this often backfires. I recovered energy by intentionally setting "rest periods" away from dating.
**Effective Ways to Spend Rest Periods**
- Focus on hobbies (reading and movie watching in my case)
- Increase time with friends
- Learn new skills
- Incorporate exercise habits
- Enjoy travel or short trips
I set aside about one week per month when I wouldn't open dating apps. Initially, I was anxious thinking "I might miss out on good people during this time," but I actually found myself approaching dating with a more positive mindset after resting.
Self-Investment During Rest Periods
Rest periods aren't just "time doing nothing." They're excellent opportunities to invest in self-improvement.
**Self-Investments I Made**
- Attending cooking classes
- Starting gym training
- Reading business books
- Beginning a new hobby (photography)
- Improving fashion sense
Through these activities, I could feel that I had become more attractive than before when I resumed dating.
Step 4: Diversify Dating Methods
Sticking to one dating method can also cause dating fatigue. I was able to maintain freshness by incorporating more diverse methods from my app-centered approach.
**Diverse Dating Methods**
1. **Dating Apps** (Pairs, Omiai, with)
2. **Marriage Parties** (PARTY☆PARTY, OTOCON)
3. **Marriage Consultation Services** (IBJ, Rakuten O-net)
4. **Hobby-based Events** (cooking events, movie events, book clubs)
5. **Friend Introductions**
6. **Social Adult Circles**
Each method has different characteristics and attracts different types of people. In my case, I ultimately met my ideal partner through a friend's introduction.
Step 5: Build a Support System
Dating isn't something you do alone. Building an appropriate support system helps you overcome difficult times.
**My Support System**
- **Dating Companions**: Two friends in similar situations
- **Mentor**: One married senior colleague
- **Specialist**: Marriage consultation counselor
- **Family**: Understanding siblings
The Importance of Dating Companions
The presence of dating companions in similar situations was particularly important. By sharing experiences and encouraging each other, we could overcome difficulties that would be impossible to handle alone.
Step 6: Change Your Mindset
Much of dating fatigue stems from mindset (thinking frameworks). I made the following mindset transitions:
**Old Mindset → New Mindset**
- "I must get married quickly" → "It's okay to take time until I meet the right person"
- "I hate being rejected" → "Rejection is also a learning opportunity"
- "I must be perfect" → "It's okay to be myself"
- "I want them to like me" → "I want to see if we're compatible"
Step 7: Visualize Success Concretely
Finally, I maintained motivation by specifically visualizing what success would look like.
**My Success Vision**
- What kind of person I want to marry (personality, values, lifestyle)
- What kind of marital relationship I want to build
- Future family image
- Dreams and goals to achieve together
By writing these down and reviewing them regularly, I avoided losing sight of my dating purpose.
Actual Results and Reflection
As a result of practicing these steps, I was able to meet my current wife one year and two months after starting my marriage hunting journey. By overcoming dating fatigue, I could interact with partners more naturally, ultimately building a good relationship.
**Changes Before and After Implementation**
- Attitude toward dating: Obligation → Enjoyment
- Self-esteem: Low → High
- Stress level: High → Manageable
- Success rate: Low → High (probability of reaching second dates tripled)
Conclusion: Dating Fatigue Can Be Overcome
Dating fatigue is a natural phenomenon that many people experience. What's important is not being ashamed of it but implementing appropriate coping strategies.
From my experience, I can say that feeling dating fatigue is actually an excellent opportunity to stop and face yourself. Rather than forcing yourself to continue struggling, please use the seven steps I've introduced as a reference and continue dating at your own pace.
**What I Want to Convey Finally**
Dating is definitely not a marathon. Rather, it's a valuable experience for knowing and growing yourself. Without rushing, while cherishing your authentic self, let's look forward to meeting your ideal partner.
I sincerely hope your marriage hunting journey will be fruitful.
