"Why do some people always have control in their relationships?"
Have you ever wondered about this? In romance, while some people constantly get swept up in their partner's pace, others naturally take the lead and control the relationship dynamics. What exactly makes the difference?
As a former host club owner who has witnessed countless relationships, let me be clear: **Relationship control isn't just about manipulation techniques. It's a reproducible strategy based on psychological principles.**
Today, I'll explain seven psychological strategies for taking control in relationships, incorporating business thinking. By understanding and practicing these principles, you'll be able to masterfully control relationship dynamics.
What Is Relationship Control? The Common Ground Between Business and Romance
Relationship control means having the power to determine the direction of the relationship. Just like business negotiations, the party with control can advance the relationship on favorable terms.
Characteristics of People Who Have Control
People with relationship control share several traits. First, they **accurately understand their own value**. They can calmly analyze what they can offer their partner and what their partner seeks from them.
Second, they **don't become emotionally dependent**. Even when they like someone, they can make rational decisions without being swayed by emotions. In business terms, it's like not becoming too dependent on a single client.
Most importantly, they **always have options**. The moment you think "this person is my only choice," control shifts to your partner. Maintaining multiple options and staying composed is crucial.
Law 1: Leveraging the Scarcity Principle
In romantic psychology, the scarcity principle is extremely important. People value what's hard to obtain more highly. In business terms, it's the same principle that makes limited edition products sell well.
How to Make Yourself Scarce
First, **always appear busy**. Someone with a packed schedule appears more valuable than someone who's always available. However, this should be genuine—you need to actually lead a fulfilling life.
Next, **don't reply immediately**. When you receive a message, don't respond right away. Leave appropriate intervals. This makes your partner anticipate your replies.
Finally, **have the courage to say no**. Don't accept every invitation. Sometimes refusing increases the value of your time. Say something like "I can't this week, but how about next week?" to maintain their interest while declining.
Law 2: The Golden Ratio of Give and Take
Like business, romance requires balanced give and take. However, many people mistakenly believe that **giving too much proves their love**.
The 7:3 Rule
In my experience, the ideal give-and-take ratio in romance is 7:3. When your partner gives 7, you return 3. This keeps them wanting more and maintains their interest in you.
For example, if they send a long message, you reply briefly. If they give an expensive gift, you return a heartfelt letter. The key is to **compete on quality, not quantity or monetary value**.
Practicing this rule makes your partner continuously desire "more recognition" and "more love." This creates healthy tension in the relationship.
Law 3: Using the Anchoring Effect to Manipulate Impressions
The anchoring effect is a psychological phenomenon where initial information heavily influences subsequent judgments. In romance, **first impressions shape the entire relationship**.
Creating Powerful First Impressions
First, **defy expectations**. Positively betray your partner's preconceptions about you. For instance, someone who usually dresses casually showing up in a suit for a date. This unexpectedness leaves a strong impression.
Next, **provide special experiences**. Choose a first date location they've never been to before. It doesn't need to be expensive. What matters is that the experience remains strongly in their memory.
Then, **create emotional range**. Mix serious topics into fun conversations. Show serious expressions amid laughter. This emotional range becomes deeply imprinted in their heart.
Law 4: Psychological Manipulation Using Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort felt when holding contradictory beliefs. People try to change their cognition to resolve this discomfort. Applying this to romance allows you to control your partner's feelings.
The Push and Pull Technique
**Pull them close, then create distance**. This is the basic push-and-pull technique. For example, after a wonderful date, don't immediately suggest the next meeting. They'll become anxious wondering "why aren't they asking me out?" and spend more time thinking about you.
Another technique is **praising then lightly criticizing**. Say something like "You're really attractive. But sometimes you can be a bit childish." This creates both the desire to be recognized and the desire to improve.
The key when using this technique is **not to overdo it**. Too much dissonance will destroy the relationship. Create just enough dissonance to make them want to take action themselves.
Law 5: Harnessing the Power of Social Proof
People reference others' behavior to determine their own actions. This is the principle of social proof. In romance, **showing that others desire you** naturally increases your partner's evaluation of you.
Creating an Attractive Aura
First, **strategically use social media**. Post photos of fun gatherings, comments from the opposite sex, and glimpses of your fulfilling life in moderation. However, obvious showing off backfires, so be subtle.
Next, **create situations where others praise you**. Invite your partner to dinner with friends and have them naturally talk about your good qualities. Third-party evaluations are more credible than self-promotion.
Finally, **skillfully mention past relationships**. Don't brag about past romances, but say things like "My ex was like that, but you're different," making your partner feel special while subtly indicating you were desirable.
Law 6: Making Them Obsessed Through the Investment Principle
People value what they invest in. The same applies to romance: **the more time, effort, and emotion your partner invests in you, the deeper their feelings become**.
Techniques to Make Them Invest
First, **start with small requests**. Begin with hard-to-refuse small favors like "This book looks interesting, can I borrow it?" or "Can you pick me up at the station?" These accumulate, and your partner naturally invests more in you.
Next, **ask for their opinions**. Ask things like "Which outfit suits me better?" or "Can I get your advice on this work issue?" This makes them feel needed and want to invest more.
Then, **encourage emotional investment**. Gradually show your vulnerable side, making them worry about you or want to protect you. However, balance is crucial—too much appears dependent.
Law 7: Creating an Unfinished Story
People find **incomplete things more attractive than complete ones**. This is called the Zeigarnik effect. In romance, not revealing everything and always maintaining mystery keeps your partner interested.
Creating Mysterious Appeal
First, **don't tell everything**. Don't share all your past, thoughts, and emotions. When asked questions, sometimes say "That's a secret" or "I'll tell you someday." This makes them want to know more about you.
Next, **behave unpredictably**. Don't always follow the same patterns. Sometimes act unexpectedly. Suddenly suggest a trip or show a different side of yourself.
Finally, **don't clarify the relationship's destination**. When asked "What do you want for our future?" don't give clear answers. Say things like "Let's enjoy the present" or "Let's see where it goes naturally." This keeps them constantly wondering about the relationship's direction.
Conclusion: The True Meaning of Having Control
Having control in relationships doesn't mean dominating your partner. It means **taking leadership to guide both of you toward a better relationship**.
These seven laws aren't mere techniques but strategies based on fundamental human psychology. However, the most important thing is not losing sight of why you use them.
By having control, you can realize your ideal relationship. This power should be used **not to hurt your partner, but to make both of you happier**.
People who succeed in business also succeed in romance because they understand this essence. They act strategically without being swept by emotions while considering their partner's happiness. This is the romance of true winners.
Romance is psychological warfare. But it's not a battle to defeat your partner. It's **constructive competition where both aim for the summit of happiness together**. With this perspective, you'll definitely be able to take control in your relationships.
