"Wait, but is that really love?"
My mom said this to me the other day, and it really got me thinking. Our Gen Z approach to dating must look pretty strange to our parents' generation. But actually, we have our own perfectly valid set of values.
Staying connected through social media, balancing stan culture with dating, gender-fluid perspectives on love... all of this is just "normal" for us. But why are we so different?
As a current college student, I'm here to give you the real talk about Gen Z's dating culture! Let's explore together the forms of love our parents might not understand and the shifting values behind them.
Why Is Gen Z Dating Called "Casual"?
We often hear that "young people today don't take dating seriously." But hold up! Is it really that "casual"?
For Gen Z, **our fundamental approach to relationships is completely different**. We don't carry those heavy expectations like "we must be dating for marriage" or "finding the one soulmate for life."
But this doesn't mean we take love lightly. Rather, I think we're a generation that seriously considers **how dating fits into our overall life picture**.
From "Heavy" Love to "Just Right" Love
Let me tell you about my friend A. She's a sophomore who's been with her boyfriend for about six months. But when asked about marriage, she says she "doesn't know."
Older generations might think, "Is that okay?" But A says, "If we're happy now, that's enough. We'll think about the future when it comes."
This perfectly captures Gen Z's dating philosophy: **valuing the present moment**.
Posting "Date with bae today ♡" on Instagram Stories while watching our favorite streamer the next moment... our parents' generation probably can't comprehend this dating style (lol).
How Dating Apps Changed Everything
For us, meeting someone on a dating app is completely "normal." More than half my class has used apps.
But when parents ask "Where did you meet your boyfriend?" and you answer "On an app," you get THE LOOK...
This really comes down to **different values about meeting people**. While our parents' generation values "fateful encounters," we seek **efficient and practical connections**.
Checking profiles, matching with people who share your interests and values. Finding compatible people without wasting time. Isn't this incredibly practical?
The Insane Impact of Social Media on Dating
When talking about Gen Z dating, we absolutely cannot ignore social media. Actually, **dating without social media is unthinkable**.
Hinting through Instagram Stories, couple videos on TikTok, lovey-dovey tweets using JK slang on Twitter... this is our daily life.
Instagram-Worthy vs. Not Instagram-Worthy Dating
I'll be honest: **More than half of choosing date spots is based on "Instagram-ability"** (lol).
Recently, my friend's couple broke up because "her boyfriend didn't care about Instagram-worthy moments." Parents' generation would be like "What?"
But there's a real reason for this. For us, posting on social media is **part of self-expression**. Dating is part of that.
Sharing happy moments with your boyfriend, getting likes from friends, hyping each other up in comments... this is how we communicate.
The New Dating Games Created by "Read Receipts"
LINE's read receipt feature makes dating so complicated.
"They read it but didn't reply..." "I'll leave it unread on purpose" - these mind games are everywhere.
My friend has a rule: **wait at least 3 hours before opening messages from crushes**. "If I reply too fast, I'll seem desperate."
This kind of **digital gamesmanship** didn't exist for our parents' generation. Sometimes I envy their simpler times of just deciding whether to call or not (lol).
The Art of Balancing Stan Culture and Dating
A distinctive aspect of Gen Z dating is **balancing stan culture with relationships**.
I have my bias, and I have a boyfriend. And my boyfriend understands this. Actually, we watch livestreams together sometimes (lol).
"Bias" and "Boyfriend" Are Separate Categories
People often ask, "You have a bias but also a boyfriend?" But this is like asking "You like cake but still eat meals?" - equally weird question.
Your bias is your bias, your boyfriend is your boyfriend. We can cherish both as **completely separate entities**.
We seek "ideals" in our bias and "real happiness" with our boyfriends. Being able to compartmentalize might be a Gen Z specialty.
Partners Who Understand Fan Culture Are the Best
A crucial requirement for partners nowadays is being **understanding of fan culture and stan activities**.
My ideal is someone who doesn't freak out seeing my room full of merch. Even better, someone who says "Tell me what you love about them!"
Our parents' generation might not get this, but **respecting each other's interests** is incredibly important.
The Spread of Gender-Neutral Dating Values
What's distinctive about Gen Z dating is our **flexibility around gender norms**.
The rigid ideas of "because you're a man" or "because you're a woman" are rapidly fading.
Going Dutch Is Standard
In our generation, **splitting the bill is basic**. Sure, sometimes we get treated, but that's only for special occasions.
The idea that "men should pay" is outdated. Actually, always being treated makes me uncomfortable and unable to enjoy myself.
We want an equal relationship like friends, so we want financial equality too. That's how we think.
Girls Confessing First Is Totally Fine
The unwritten rule that "guys should confess" doesn't exist anymore.
I confessed to my current boyfriend first. Straight up "I like you, let's date."
Some friends are even **planning to propose to their boyfriends**. "Why does it have to be from the guy?" True, right?
Why We Value "Loose Connections"
A characteristic of Gen Z dating is our preference for **"loose connections."**
Rather than clingy relationships, we want relationships that respect each other's time. That's the ideal.
Love Doesn't Change Without Daily Meetings
"Want to meet every day," "Want to be together always" - honestly, that's too heavy.
Meeting once or twice a week is enough. Otherwise, we're loosely connected through LINE or Instagram. This distance is just right.
We want to **value our own time** and respect our partner's time. Our parents' generation might think this is "cold," but for us, it's "consideration."
Relationships Without Control
"Who were you with today?" "Why didn't you message me?" - this kind of control is absolutely not it.
If there's trust, control isn't necessary. Actually, **control is proof of no trust**.
Hanging with friends, hobby time - it's all important. Your partner isn't your whole life.
Conclusion: Gen Z Dating Is "Evolving"
What did you think of Gen Z's dating values?
There might be many parts our parents' generation can't understand. But this isn't dating "deteriorating" - it's **"evolving" with the times**.
Because we can always stay connected through social media, we deliberately maintain distance. Because we have many options, we seek efficient ways to meet. Because diversity is recognized, we're not bound by gender.
Everything is evolution toward **enjoying dating more authentically and freely**.
From "heavy love" to "just right love." This is the reality of Gen Z dating.
To the parents' generation: please don't dismiss our way of dating. Different times naturally mean different forms of love. But the feeling of "wanting to cherish someone special" never changes across generations.
We're nurturing love our way, with our methods. We'd be happy if you could watch over us warmly.
Finally, to my fellow Gen Zers: have confidence in your dating values. No matter what parents or others say, **if you're happy, that's the right answer**.
Let's date freely and happily, Gen Z style!
