Gazing at the afternoon light streaming through my study window, a thought occurs to me. Writing about love might be synonymous with writing about life itself. At this age, I've come to realize that love doesn't exist in isolation but takes shape within life's grand narrative, intertwining with various elements.
In youth, I viewed love as an independent emotion. Like a jewel, beautiful and complete in itself. However, as years passed and experiences accumulated, love's essence became clearer. It's deeply connected to life philosophy itself.
The Relationship Between Love and Solitude
Before discussing love, we must first touch upon solitude. True love begins with knowing solitude. In my 20s, I feared being alone. Unable to bear solitude, I constantly sought comfort in others' presence. But that wasn't truly "being together."
Facing oneself in solitude, understanding and accepting oneself—only through this process can we truly accept others. When the poet Rilke said "Love your solitude," he was precisely pointing to this truth.
What Solitary Time Nurtures
Rising early, while the world still sleeps, brewing coffee alone. In that silence, listening to one's inner voice. Such accumulated moments deepen self-understanding. And by understanding ourselves, we finally prepare to understand others.
Solitude isn't lonely. Rather, it's a door to a rich inner world. Reading books, listening to music, losing oneself in thought. Such solitary time nurtures the capacity to love. For just as nothing can be poured from an empty vessel, without inner richness, we have nothing to give.
Understanding the Meaning of Loss
Loss is inevitable in life. Parting with loved ones, shattered dreams, declining health. Such experiences initially bring unbearable pain. But as time passes, these experiences teach us precious lessons.
When I lost my father in my mid-30s, I contemplated "eternity" deeply for the first time. Life is finite, and all relationships end. Accepting this cruel fact paradoxically highlights the importance of this very moment.
Finding Eternity Within Impermanence
Buddhism teaches "all things are impermanent." Everything changes and eventually disappears. This teaching might sound pessimistic at first. But actually, it's the key to understanding love's essence.
Nothing lasts forever. That's precisely why we cherish this moment. Focusing consciousness on each minute and second spent with our partner, savoring that time completely. By doing so, we can find infinity within the finite. Eternity dwells within the moment.
Liberation from Perfectionism
In youth, I was a perfectionist. Drawing ideal romantic images in my mind, continuously disappointed by reality that didn't match. I imposed impossibly high standards on both my partner and myself. As a result, I harbored constant dissatisfaction, unable to feel true happiness.
In my 40s, I finally realized this folly. Seeking perfection is nothing but denying living human relationships. Humans are beautiful because they're imperfect, lovable because they have flaws.
Applying Wabi-Sabi Aesthetics to Love
Japan's aesthetic of "wabi-sabi" finds beauty in imperfection. Chipped tea bowls, decaying gardens, faded kimonos. It's a sensibility that perceives unique beauty in such things. Applying this aesthetic to love opens entirely new worlds.
Instead of viewing a partner's flaws as "problems to fix," accepting them as "that person's uniqueness." Because it's imperfect, there's humanity and warmth. Such perspective shifts dramatically transform relationships.
The Balance of Giving and Receiving
In love, the balance between giving and receiving is crucial. In youth, I believed love meant giving. I thought self-sacrificial devotion proved love. But that was mere self-satisfaction, not true love.
True love exists in harmony between giving and receiving. Graciously receiving love from others is also part of love. It's also giving them "the joy of giving."
Love's Circulating Energy
Love isn't one-directional but circulating. Like river water flowing to the sea, becoming clouds that bring rain, returning to rivers again. Given love returns in different forms. But this should occur as natural flow, not from calculation or expectation.
Sometimes, receiving is harder than giving. Pride and independence interfere, preventing gracious acceptance of others' kindness. But that breaks love's circulation. Receiving humbly with gratitude is also practicing love.
Time as the Ultimate Gift
In modern society, time might be most precious. Money can be earned and increased, but time is finite for everyone. That's why sharing time with someone becomes love's highest expression.
Sunday afternoons with my wife. We do nothing special. Just being in the same space, each doing what we enjoy. Occasionally, our eyes meet and we smile. Such casual time-sharing might actually be the most luxurious, most love-filled moments.
The Misconception of Quality Over Quantity
"Quality time" is often mentioned, but I question this concept. Certainly, special dates and trips matter. But what truly deepens relationships is the accumulation of casual daily moments.
15 minutes eating breakfast together. The "How was your day?" conversation after returning home. The "Good night" greeting before bed. Such daily fragments create strong bonds between two people. They needn't be special. Just being conscious of being together suffices.
Loving and Being Loved
There's a question: "Which brings more happiness—loving or being loved?" In youth, I'd have answered "being loved" without hesitation. But now I'd answer differently: "Both are necessary."
The joy of loving lies in feeling another's happiness as your own. When they smile, you feel happy. When they succeed, you rejoice as if it were your achievement. Such emotions give life profound meaning.
Meanwhile, the happiness of being loved brings self-affirmation and security. Confidence that you belong in this world. The feeling of being precious to someone. It becomes the source of life force.
What Is Mature Love?
Mature love is when "loving" and "being loved" naturally harmonize. Without leaning toward either, accepting and enjoying both. It's nurtured over long periods.
If young love is intense flame, mature love is like quietly burning charcoal. Without flashiness, it provides warmth stably and long. And when needed, it can flame up again.
In Closing
Outside the window, twilight gently embraces the city. Hours have passed since I began writing. Writing about love has also meant reflecting on my own life.
A life philosophy for knowing love. Ultimately, it might be the same as "living well." Facing oneself, accepting others, cherishing this moment. Not seeking perfection, maintaining balance between giving and receiving. And treasuring time spent together.
None of these require special talent or effort. Simply directing consciousness and continuing practice matters. Love grows through accumulating small daily choices.
Entering life's second half, I'm certain. Love isn't something to search for but to nurture. And that process itself enriches life. I want to continue walking this quiet, deep path of love slowly.
