Being a fan is seriously the best, right? But when you get a boyfriend, many people worry, "Do I have to give up my fandom activities?" Actually, I was one of those people with the same concern.
Today, as a current university student with 5 years of fandom experience, I'm sharing how to cherish both your oshi and your boyfriend while having a happy relationship! Let's find a dating style that doesn't require giving up either, with Gen Z values at heart.
Can You Really Balance Fandom and Romance?
First, let me be clear: **balancing fandom and romance is absolutely possible**! In fact, I think being passionate about your oshi makes you even more attractive.
Actually, I know tons of people around me who are happily dating while maintaining their fan activities, and some even enjoy fandom life together with their boyfriends. The key is respecting each other's values.
How Gen Z Dating Values Changed Everything
We Gen Z have completely different dating values from previous generations. It's not about "my partner is everything" - we want to cherish our hobbies too, and our love for our oshi is real. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
On social media, hashtags like "#FandomGirlDating" and "#OtakuCouple" are totally trending, and dating while being a fan has become completely normal.
The Benefits Fandom Brings to Romance
People who are into fandom are actually super attractive in relationships. They're passionate, loyal, and great at finding the good in others. Aren't these important elements in romance too?
Plus, the "supporting power" and "caring feelings" you develop through fandom can be applied to dating. When you can direct some of that love you had for your oshi toward your boyfriend, you can build a deeper relationship.
7 Practical Tips for Balance
1. Be Open About Your Fandom From the Start
Hiding things just creates problems later, so just say upfront, "I'm a fan of ○○!" If someone's put off by that, your values probably don't match anyway.
In my case, I even wrote "I'm into fandom ♡" on my dating app profile. People who still "liked" me were understanding from the start, making things much easier!
2. Balance Your Fandom Time and Dating Time
If you're always saying "I can't meet this weekend because of a concert," your boyfriend will naturally feel lonely. But "always prioritizing boyfriend and suppressing all fandom activities" isn't sustainable either.
I recommend **visualizing your monthly schedule**. Use a planner or app to write down both fandom events and dates with your boyfriend, then adjust while looking at the balance. I aim for about a "Fandom:Dating = 6:4" ratio.
3. Try Getting Your Boyfriend Involved in Your Fandom
Casually inviting him like "Want to go to a live viewing together?" or "Listen to my oshi's song!" can work. Even if he doesn't become a full fan, just showing interest makes a huge difference.
My boyfriend had zero interest at first, but now he tells me "Your oshi released a new song!" When you can enjoy more things together, your relationship deepens.
4. Set Clear Boundaries Between Fandom Friends and Your Boyfriend
While time with fandom friends is important, you also need special time with your boyfriend. Cherish each relationship by deciding "I share ○○ with fandom friends, △△ with my boyfriend."
For example, celebrate your oshi's birthday grandly with fandom friends, but make your boyfriend's birthday special just for the two of you. The key is enjoying both 100%!
5. Decide Financial Priorities
Honestly, fandom costs money... Merchandise, concert tickets, travel expenses... But you also want to spend on dates with your boyfriend.
I **manage my "fandom budget" and "date budget" separately**. If you decide how to split your part-time job earnings from the start, you can enjoy both without guilt. Be careful not to overspend on fandom and end up with "no money for dates..."
Finding and Building Relationships with Understanding Partners
Characteristics of People Who Understand Fan Activities
Partners who understand fandom actually have recognizable traits.
**People passionate about something themselves** tend to understand fandom better. Whether it's gaming, sports, or music, people with their own passions are more likely to understand yours.
Also, **people with flexible values** are important. Those who think "Let's cherish our individual time too" work better than those with strong possessiveness saying "My girlfriend should only look at me."
Meeting People on Dating Apps
The key to finding fandom-understanding people on dating apps is how you write your profile.
Instead of just "Hobby: Fandom ♡," write something **positive** like "Going to my oshi's concerts is my life! Would love someone who enjoys various concerts together."
If the app has community features, join "Otaku" or "Fandom" communities. You can meet people with shared values from the start.
Communication for Deepening Relationships
Once you start dating, create **time to share each other's interests**. I have my boyfriend give me time to present my oshi's appeal, and in return, he teaches me about his hobbies.
When asked "Why do you like them so much?" it's your chance! While explaining your oshi's appeal, saying "You're just as important to me" helps your boyfriend feel secure and deepens understanding.
Common Concerns and Solutions
When Asked "Who's More Important: Your Oshi or Me?"
This is such a common question. But honestly, the right answer is **they're not comparable**.
Explain that they occupy different positions: "My oshi is someone I admire, and you're the important person I want to be with in reality." Both are important, but they're different types of "like."
Dealing with Jealousy
When your boyfriend gets jealous of your oshi, **it's important to ease his anxiety**. Show through words and actions that "My oshi is someone on the other side of the screen, but you're the one who's important in real life."
Also, always contact your boyfriend after fandom activities, saying something like "Today's concert was amazing! Let's go on a date next time," making future plans provides reassurance.
When They Can't Understand Your Fandom
If they really can't understand, it's okay not to force understanding. Take the stance of "You don't have to understand, but please acknowledge it."
You don't need to understand each other's hobbies 100%, but **mutual respect is absolutely necessary**. If that's not possible, the relationship probably won't last, so it's important to recognize this early.
Conclusion: Find Your Own Dating Style
Balancing fandom and romance is definitely not impossible. Rather, I think people who can cherish both lead richer lives.
What's important is **being honest with your feelings**. If you genuinely want to cherish both your oshi and your boyfriend, honor those feelings. There are definitely people who will understand, and the happiness when you meet such a person is exceptional.
Because we're Gen Z, we can create new forms of romance. Let's enjoy both fandom and dating to the fullest! I'm cheering for your unique happy relationship ♡
Share your experiences with "#FandomGirlDating" too. Let's spread new dating styles together!
