What is happiness in love? In my youth, I believed that falling in love itself was happiness. The excitement of waiting for a message from that special someone, the thrill of anticipating a date. But now, looking back from my forties, I realize that the "happiness" of those days was as ephemeral and beautiful as morning dew.
Having passed the halfway point of life, I've come to understand that true happiness in love is something deeper, flowing quietly like underground water. It's the certain warmth that breathes quietly within our daily lives.
Love's Happiness Shifts from "Moments" to "Continuity"
Young love is filled with momentary brilliance like fireworks. The first time holding hands, the first kiss, and the moment of exchanging "I love you." These moments are undeniably beautiful and become precious memories that color our lives.
However, as we age, we begin to find value in **sustained comfort rather than momentary excitement**. It's the peace of waking up with a loved one beside us, the comfort felt in casual conversations.
Small Happiness Dwelling in Daily Life
True happiness actually resides not in special moments, but in everyday life. The casual conversations while eating breakfast together, the "welcome home" when returning from work, the warm tea quietly offered when feeling unwell. These small accumulations are the true happiness in love.
Philosopher Alain de Botton, in his work on the philosophy of everyday life, teaches that happiness should be found not in special events but in daily living. This perspective offers profound insights for love as well.
True Love Begins with "Understanding" Your Partner
In youth, I had a strong desire to be "understood" by others. I wanted someone to understand my feelings, to recognize my worth. I was dominated by such one-sided desires.
But through life experience, I've realized that **love exists in the effort to understand your partner**. Reading the meaning in their silence, sensing their unspoken thoughts. Such deep understanding is the true form of love.
Mature Love That Doesn't Seek Perfection
Everyone is imperfect. In youth, we wandered seeking the ideal partner, often disappointed by their flaws. But mature love means **accepting your partner's imperfections and loving them including those flaws**.
It's because of flaws that we're human, because of weaknesses that we can support each other. How much time do we need to realize such obvious truths?
Love Deepens Through Facing Solitude
When considering happiness in love, we cannot avoid the theme of "solitude." In youth, we might have feared loneliness and escaped into romance. But true love can only exist **when both individuals can face solitude as independent people**.
Philosopher Erich Fromm, in "The Art of Loving," describes love as a process where two solitudes meet, touch, and separate again. In other words, not fearing solitude but accepting it is the first step toward true love.
Love as Coexistence, Not Dependence
Dependent love that says "I can't live without you" may seem passionate but is actually fragile. True love exists in a relationship where **each person stands as an independent individual and chooses each other**.
Many happy couples I've met respect each other's hobbies and time, maintaining appropriate distance. This isn't a cold relationship but rather a mature form of love based on deep trust.
The Value of Love That Matures with Time
Just as fine wine matures with time, love also deepens over the years. While the excitement of new love is wonderful, **quiet affection with a long-time partner** has a different, profound value.
Shared memories, overcome difficulties, shared joys. These accumulations create an unshakeable bond between two people. And this bond becomes the source of true happiness that can withstand life's storms.
Flexibility to Accept Change
People are creatures of change. Just as you're different from who you were ten years ago, your partner also changes. To sustain happiness in love requires **flexibility to accept each other's changes and grow together**.
Not fearing change but enjoying it. The joy of discovering new aspects. Such an attitude might be the secret to lasting love.
Conclusion: Finding Life's Meaning in Love
Happiness in love is ultimately deeply connected to **finding meaning in life itself**. Time spent with a loved one, shared experiences, and the life built together. All of these give meaning to our existence.
What I've come to understand past forty is that happiness in love isn't like spectacular fireworks but rather like a quietly burning fireplace. It's never boring but rather a light that continues to warmly illuminate life.
The essential value of love that wasn't visible in youth. Perhaps recognizing this is a privilege of those who have lived through years. True happiness in love actually exists right beside us, quietly present in our daily lives.
