The reason why relationships don't work out might actually be because you "can't accept yourself." Hello, I'm Asami Takahashi, a life coach. Through counseling many women about their relationships, what I've noticed most is that **people who can love themselves tend to build wonderful romantic relationships**.
"But how exactly do I accept myself?" For those of you with this question, today I'll share the intimate connection between self-acceptance and happy relationships, along with practical approaches.
Why Self-Acceptance is the Key to Relationship Success
Self-acceptance means acknowledging and accepting yourself as you are, including both your good and not-so-good aspects. When you enter relationships without this foundation, you tend to become dependent on your partner or pretend to be someone you're not to please them.
**Characteristics of relationships without self-acceptance** often include these patterns:
- Being overly concerned about your partner's reactions
- Unable to express your opinions, always conforming to your partner
- Hiding your true self out of fear of being disliked
- Constantly seeking confirmation of love from your partner
In such states, you cannot build true partnership. This is because **what your partner loves is not the "real you" but the "ideal woman image you're performing."**
The Positive Cycle Created by Self-Acceptance
Conversely, when you can accept yourself, wonderful changes occur in relationships. First, **gaining confidence in yourself** allows you to interact naturally with your partner. Since there's no need to overextend yourself, you can be your relaxed and attractive self.
Furthermore, understanding your own worth enables you to **communicate your feelings clearly while respecting your partner**. This becomes the foundation for healthy, lasting romantic relationships.
7 Practical Methods for Self-Acceptance
1. Let Go of Perfectionism
One problem many women have is perfectionism. While the desire to "become more beautiful" or "improve my personality" is wonderful, **you shouldn't use it as material to deny your current self**.
The first step in letting go of perfectionism is recognizing that "my current self is valuable enough." When you look in the mirror each morning, try saying "thank you for your hard work" to the "self who is trying hard today."
2. Don't Rank Your Emotions
Are you suppressing negative emotions like anger, sadness, and jealousy as "bad things"? However, **all emotions are precious parts of you**. Denying emotions is the same as denying yourself.
When emotions arise, try observing objectively: "Right now, I'm feeling ○○." Accepting emotions deepens your understanding of yourself.
3. Forgive Your Past Self
Are you still carrying past failures or relationship mistakes? The regret of "If only I had done something different then..." only tortures your present self.
**Your past self was also making the best choices possible at that time**. Instead of judging the past from your current perspective, try having gratitude: "Because of that experience, I am who I am today."
4. Create Your Own Value Standards
Are you being swayed by others' evaluations or societal values? In trying to meet external expectations like "I must marry by 30" or "I must earn more," you might **lose sight of your true value**.
What matters is what you value and what kind of life you want to live. By clarifying your own value standards and living according to them, self-acceptance naturally develops.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the kindness you'd show a close friend. When you fail, instead of harshly criticizing yourself, **comfort yourself by saying "It's okay, everyone makes mistakes."**
Try starting a habit of saying "Thank you for your hard work today" to yourself before bed each night. Even small things are fine. Kindness toward yourself becomes the foundation of self-acceptance.
6. Value Messages from Your Body
Your body is honest. When feeling stressed or happy, your body always sends signals. **Listening to your body's voice is the first step in respecting yourself**.
Rest when tired instead of pushing through, eat delicious food when you want to. Responding to these bodily needs develops the habit of caring for yourself.
7. Record Your Growth
People find it difficult to perceive change and growth. That's why **consciously recording your growth** is important. Whether through diary entries or photos, any format works.
"Compared to this time last year, I can do these things now" or "What I couldn't do before, I accomplished today." Noticing such small growth deepens trust in yourself.
Specific Changes Self-Acceptance Brings to Relationships
When you develop self-acceptance, significant changes appear in romantic relationships. First, **you stop demanding too much from your partner**. Being able to fulfill yourself reduces dependence on your partner and allows you to maintain healthy boundaries.
Also, understanding your own value enables you to **naturally distance yourself from partners who don't treat you well**. This isn't being cold—it's a necessary choice for building relationships with people who respect you.
Furthermore, accepting yourself as you are allows you to **naturally approach your partner with acceptance too**. Instead of trying to change your partner's flaws, you can love them as they are.
Conclusion: The Loop of Love Starting from Self-Acceptance
True love begins with loving yourself first. **Only those who can accept and cherish themselves can be truly loved by others**. This isn't selfish at all. Rather, because you're fulfilled, you can give love to your partner.
Self-acceptance doesn't develop overnight. However, by gradually incorporating even a few of the seven practical methods introduced today, your perspective on relationships will surely change.
**You are someone worthy of love just as you are**. When you truly accept this fact from your heart, wonderful partnership will surely await you. Why not start by taking one step toward loving yourself?
