When you have a crush on someone, every little gesture and word from them becomes significant. "Is this a sign they like me?" "Do they just see me as a friend?" I truly understand these feelings of swaying between anxiety and hope.
As a therapist who has counseled many people about love, the common concern among those with unrequited feelings is "I can't figure out how they really feel." Today, I'll share specific signs to understand someone's feelings from a psychological perspective.
Why Crush's Feelings Are Hard to Read
During a crush, "wishes" and "reality" inevitably blend together. Psychology calls this "confirmation bias" - we tend to gather only information that aligns with our desires, making objective judgment difficult.
For instance, when they greet you with a smile, you might think "Maybe they like me," or when they seem busy, you worry "Maybe they dislike me." Looking at someone through this emotional filter makes their true feelings harder to see.
Additionally, the other person often doesn't express their feelings clearly either. Japanese people especially tend to avoid direct emotional expression, making things even more unclear.
The Essence of "Signs of Interest" According to Psychology
People unconsciously behave specially toward those they like. Psychology calls this "non-verbal communication," which often reveals true feelings more than words.
The key is **not to judge based on just one sign, but to look at multiple signs comprehensively.** Individual differences exist in behavior, and expression methods vary by cultural background and personality.
7 Psychological Signs to Gauge Their Feelings
1. Frequency and Quality of Eye Contact
Eyes are windows to the soul, and psychologically, gaze is an important indicator of interest. We naturally make more eye contact with people we like.
However, it's not just about frequency - the "quality" matters too. **Favorable eye contact gives a soft, warm impression, with natural smiles continuing after eyes meet.** In contrast, accidental eye contact leads to quickly looking away or stiff expressions.
Shy people might quickly look away when making eye contact with their crush, but they often glance back repeatedly. This too can be a sign of interest.
2. Body Orientation and Distance
Psychology studies interpersonal distance in a field called "proxemics." Generally, we naturally get closer to people we like.
During conversation, check if their body faces you. If their feet, navel, and shoulder line point toward you, that's evidence of interest. Conversely, if their body faces away or arms are crossed, they might feel psychological distance.
Also, **if they naturally enter or allow you into their personal space (about 45-120cm), it might be an unconscious sign of wanting to build intimacy.**
3. Mirroring Behavior
Unconsciously copying the gestures and behaviors of someone you like is called "mirroring." This natural behavior stems from the desire to feel connected with the other person.
For example:
- When you drink coffee, they reach for their drink
- When you touch your hair, they touch their hair or face
- They match your speaking tempo
- They start using similar phrases
If such mirroring occurs frequently, they likely have feelings for you.
4. Conversation Content and Question Depth
What questions they ask and topics they choose are important signs. If they ask deep personal questions rather than staying surface-level, it shows they want to know you better.
For example:
- Asking detailed questions about weekend plans or hobbies
- Questions about past experiences or future dreams
- Remembering and bringing up your likes and dislikes
- Remembering previous conversations and following up
**Especially if they ask about your views on love or ideal type, the chances are quite high they're interested.**
5. Communication Frequency and Response Speed
In today's digital age, messaging exchanges are important indicators. However, individual differences are significant here.
Signs of interest include:
- Contacting you without specific reasons
- Relatively quick responses (compared to their usual pace)
- Often replying with long messages
- Ending with questions to continue conversation
- Using stickers or emojis to express emotions
However, some people are busy or naturally poor at messaging. Compare with their usual behavior patterns to judge accurately.
6. Signs of Special Treatment
Whether they treat you as someone special and different from others is an important criterion.
- Particularly valuing your opinion in groups
- Making time specifically for you
- Showing sides they don't show others
- Adjusting their behavior to your preferences
- Giving small gifts or showing consideration
Such behaviors express "you are special." **However, naturally kind people might be nice to everyone, so compare with how they treat others.**
7. Signs of Jealousy or Possessiveness
Feeling jealous when someone you like is close with others is natural. If they show mild jealousy or possessiveness toward you, it might be a sign of interest.
For example:
- Their expression darkens when you mention other opposite-sex people
- Asking detailed questions like "What's your relationship with them?"
- Getting slightly moody when you mention plans with others
- Saying "I'd like to join next time"
However, excessive jealousy or control isn't healthy. Moderate jealousy shows affection, but balance is crucial.
Important Points for Correctly Reading Signs
Consider Cultural Background and Individual Differences
Japanese people tend to be reserved in emotional expression, so Western romantic psychology can't be applied directly. Also, introverts and extroverts express interest very differently.
Knowing their usual behavior patterns leads to accurate judgment. Observe how they interact with others and compare with how they treat you.
Avoid Assumptions
During a crush, we tend to interpret things favorably. **To avoid "confirmation bias," judge comprehensively including negative signs.**
Getting third-party opinions from friends is effective. Being less emotional, they can offer objective perspectives.
Finding Courage to Take a Step Forward
While reading signs is important, ultimately you need courage to express your feelings. Just waiting for their signs won't advance the relationship.
If you see multiple positive signs, try gradually closing the distance. Invite them to meals or create opportunities to talk one-on-one. Starting with small steps helps you understand their reactions more clearly.
Even if they only see you as a friend, your worth doesn't diminish. **The experience of unrequited love helps you grow and makes future relationships better.**
Conclusion: Treasure the Heart's Signs
Gauging someone's feelings isn't easy, but use these seven signs as reference while observing calmly. Above all, trust your intuition too.
Human hearts are complex and can't all be explained by psychology. But observing and trying to understand someone is the first step to building good relationships.
I sincerely support your crush developing into a wonderful romance. Whatever the outcome, the experience of seriously caring for someone will surely enrich your life.
