Why do Japanese people “confess”?

This seems to be a question many foreigners have, that are living in Japan, and it is a topic that foreigners always get excited about when they have certain Japanese conversations.

This is due to a global perspective that there is no such thing as a formal “I love you” to become a couple, as in Japan. This is based on the grounds that, universally, nations like Japan, where individuals have difficulty admitting their adoration to formally become a couple, is restricted to a couple of Asian nations, for example, South Korea and Taiwan. The number of nations without such a culture is a lot bigger than the nations that practice this culture. For outsiders who don’t have a culture of admission, it should be a bizarre sight.

I once had a foreign woman ask me for advice when a Japanese man asked her to go out with him, as she didn’t understand what it meant. She was confused by the confession because they had dated many times and she naturally thought they were already a couple.

If you think about it, you rarely see confession scenes in Western movies and dramas. It is often said that Westerners have a clear yes or no, but how do they become a couple without confessing?

The Japanese Way of Perceiving Dating

I believe that Japanese people are unlikely to go on a date alone with a partner until they confess their feelings. In most cases, couples go out to eat or have fun with friends, and after getting to know each other to a certain extent, they confess their feelings. In many cases, the confession is made before the dating process.

This means that for Japanese people, confession is getting consent for more dates in order to get to know the other person more deeply.

Japanese people make it clear when the moment is right

Japanese people confess their feelings in order to date and establish a relationship.

But why do Japanese people go to the trouble of establishing a relationship and then checking compatibility?

I believe this is because Japan has a deeply rooted culture of using both “honne” and “tatemae,” of muddling through with “yes” and “no.” This is a common practice in Japan. I think it is because people do not always express their feelings clearly that they need an opportunity to say yes or no to whether or not they want to continue this relationship.

In addition, when you are in a relationship and repeatedly go out on dates with someone, you are taking up an important part of their life. The high awareness of not wanting to make the other person feel uncomfortable and not wanting to waste the other person’s time may be one of the reasons why the culture of confession has taken root.

Not only in love, but Japanese people are usually considerate of others and often use ambiguous expressions or do not make things clear, but when they realize that it is not good for either parties, they seem to make things more black and white than Westerners do. I think the culture of not making things clear also works well because of this kind of balance.